The news came as a shock to citizens and press who expected Bullock to comment on his previous decision to censor republican campaign advertisements. “There is a worse threat to our state than republicans, and that is vampires. Vampires are the number one threat to Montana dude.” Bullock elaborated to the press.

What the fuck? This can’t be? Maybe read to find out more….

“We were concerned for their safety. The novel coronavirus is crazy bad, like really really bad. Spreads like hot butter, that means really easily for the laymen. But we have noticed that if you are protesting then coronavirus ignores you.”

Governor Bullock announced that he plans to rename the state to “New Cali” in front of a redesigned state welcome sign. Bullock only gave a short statement explaining the change, “I think the name is sick as hell”. Bullock finished his short press conference by jumping on a scooter and riding into Idaho.

Mysterious packages containing “unknown seeds” are arriving across the state this week. Return addresses for these packages have Chinese addresses. The Department of Agriculture has warned those who have received packages to not plant them.

"At first it was confusion between the two, but I'm willing to keep digging the hole deeper. Any town that shares a name with an offensive musical that celebrates America, must be erased from history.”

"We've seen creatures like Californians in the state before, but never at this quantity. They seem to swarm at are lakes, rivers, ponds and public parks."

“The protests were highly attended by women but that's not all we did to show our disdain for the name. We also hosted basket weaving classes and it was a shame they never caught on,” stated Jennifer Saggytits, a Hillary Clinton supporter.

At Bonner Park in Missoula, Arudalf the Great spoke to a crowd of ten people from atop a picnic table. “I have studied the powers gifted to me by an elvic king and the lady of the Bitterroot. As a level 9 red mage I have the ability to cast a plus twelve health potion and after reading the ancient scrolls of wave magic. I can use this orb I purchased at Miz Con to cast a healing spell that will cure all of Montana.”

“First off I would make MSU the official state college. There is also a desperate need for a concession booth in the capitol building. I would also make both parties argue their point with a dance battle. I feel that it's the best form of debate.”

Citizens of Missoula overwhelmingly approved of the art piece. Mayor Engen approval ratings have skyrocketed this morning according to a poll taken by the local paper.

The order is effective immediately in all counties and will be in effect until Bullock says so. The directive requires all businesses and private residences to enforce the ruling. Employers, family and friends are required to bully and accost those who do not follow the order.

Advertisements and the schedule of the derby both stated the fifty car free for all would be an hour of entertainment. Due to a strong showing by Collins the event lasted a mere six minutes.