Helena's Farmer Market Disguises Itself as Peaceful Protest to Continue Operation

After being ordered to cease operation due to not having a valid permit, the Helena’s Farmers market organized a peaceful protest to continue their operation. The permit was pulled from the farmers market by the request of the Lewis and Clark Public Health Department. 

“We were concerned for their safety. The novel corona-virus is crazy bad, like really really bad. Spreads like hot butter, that means really easily for the laymen. But we have noticed that if you are protesting, then corona-virus ignores you. I think in the next two years everyone will be protesting, and honestly that is the cure for covid-19.” Susan Vulva, who has a friend that's a nurse, commented to the press.

People planning on attending the farmers market should come prepared. Peaceful protesters attack nearby cars and vendors, although we have been informed it is just for show. “The screams may sound real, and the blood might also look real, and fire might also feel real, but it’s just to make it look authentic.” Julie Crabapple, a protest organizer, declared to the crowd last Saturday.

“It’s just your normal fun farmers market, with a lot more fire and a lot less cabbage.” A local Hutterite stated to interviewers as he loaded a rubber bullet into a musket.

“The protest is mostly peaceful,” Jeremy Hunterman, a protester and former farmer remarked. “We throw a molotov once in a while, but it’s mainly just symbolic. We want people to come down and buy local food and jewelry.”

Masks are required at the farmers market due to Governor orders. The organizers of the events recommend the wearing of a gas mask due to high levels of tear gas in the area.