WARNING: Mysterious Chinese Seeds Grow Piranha Plants

Unordered seeds from China have been identified as piranha plant seeds from Super Mario. The seeds grow overnight to full size plants and have been reported to eat wildlife and cause green metal to grow from the ground.

Mysterious packages containing “unknown seeds” are arriving across the state this week. Return addresses for these packages have Chinese addresses. The Department of Agriculture has warned those who have received packages to not plant them. 

“I don’t trust what the department of agriculture says, but I also don’t trust what the Chinese say. But when it came down to it, I was going to plant them. They are free seeds.” Farmer Juniper reported to the press. “Next thing you know, I wake up to one of my cows getting eaten by one of these Venus fly trap motherfuckers.” 

“We are hoping we can keep the plants contained to Juniper Farms here, but so far no plant killer has worked on the plants.” Julie Smiles, a Department of Agriculture employee, commented to journalists outside Juniper Farms. 

“We got to attack them with turtle shells and star power. Also everyone should start eating mushrooms.” Commented Senator Jon Tester on Twitter. 

The Department of Agriculture has placed an order for turtles, mushrooms and a leaf to combat the plants. The results of these remedies have yet to be tested. 

The Department of Agriculture issued a warning to not throw away the seeds. Preventing our landfills from being overwhelmed with piranha plants. Mr. Wario, the head of the Department of Agriculture, curled his comically large mustache while issuing a statement to the press. “Send the seeds to me, we will properly dispose of them. It’s for your own safety.” Mr. Wario finished his speech with an evil laugh and then jumped into a sewer drain.