Missoula Wizard Claims He “Will Save Montana from the Coronavirus”

Arudalf the Great, a Missoula man and self proclaimed wizard says he will save Montana from the coronavirus. “I alone will save Montana from the coronavirus. A prophecy foretold to me as a child by my dragon father.”

At Bonner Park in Missoula, Arudalf the Great spoke to a crowd of ten people from atop a picnic table. “I have studied the powers gifted to me by an elvish king and the lady of the Bitterroot. As a level 9 red mage I have the ability to cast a plus twelve health potion and after reading the ancient scrolls of wave magic. I can use this orb I purchased at Miz Con to cast a healing spell that will cure all of Montana.”

Arudalf the Great says he expects to have Montana cured by Sunday. “I wish I could do it sooner but the dark one that brought me into this world has my orb at her lair and I can’t get there til Sunday.” 

Kevin Johnson, Arudalf’s best friend explained that Arudalf’s mother is out of town til Sunday. “She doesn’t trust him to stay at the house by himself because the last time she did he accidentally started a small fire practicing heat magic. Usually he will crash at my place when his mom is out of town or whenever I make my famous macaroni and cheese.”

“I wish the peasants and kings of Montana will remain calm and have faith come Sunday. I got a mana potion that I have been brewing for the last several months and now that the planets have aligned, my magic will have its maximum range.” Arudalf commented to two men on a bench. “Do you guys want to come to my friend Kevin’s house to play some Munchkin.”