Butte School System Now Requires Bus Drivers to Smoke Crack Cocaine

It was decided last night at a Butte school board meeting to make crack cocaine use mandatory for all school bus drivers. The decision comes just days after a Billings bus driver confessed to being high on meth while on the job last September.

“Look we ain’t no crap town like Billings! In fact it’s been a policy of mine to do the exact opposite of whatever the Billings school board does!” Jedidiah Threeteeth, a school board member commented to the press after the board meeting.

Crack cocaine use has been optional to school bus drivers in Butte since the eighties. The new policy makes the use of the drug mandatory starting the 22nd of February. The Butte school board will implement random drug tests for the first time in 60 years to ensure bus drivers are following the new policy.

“It’s all about teaching the children of Butte how to safely use drugs. We want to show them positive role models and make the subject less taboo.” Marcus Stinkbreath stated during the board meeting Tuesday night. “Missoula has previously allowed their teachers to smoke marijuana in class and it’s said to have a positive effect on the student body. Crack is basically super pot so this will be even more effective.”

Although the school board meeting ended with its usual celebration of jello shots and mud wrestling not all of the residents of Butte were happy with the new policy. “I think it’s really a terrible decision, I mean what are we even saying about the safety of our children. If we really wanted our children to be safe. We would force the bus drivers to do heroin.”