Bullock Announces Carrier Pigeon Ballot Mandatory for Montana

As protests and talks of mail in ballots for this year's elections took center stage in national conversation, Governor Steve Bullock announced that he would require everyone to vote by carrier pigeon in November. 

“Listen to this cool shiz peepz of Montana. I know a lot of you might think I’m crazy, and you’re right! Crazy mad with dope ideas! Birds are sick as hell and I think they're the most trustworthy.”

Governor Bullock commented to the press in his Tuesday briefing. “Check it, birds have long known to be part of government surveillance, and by using them to deliver and pick up ballots is going to result in major savings to Montana taxpayers.” 

The carrier pigeon system started to be tested in Bozeman last week. “Yeah there's a lot of bird shit on my car!” A Bozeman man stated to a tik tok last wednesday before giving the middle finger to the camera. “I don’t know what’s going on? I think it's a miracle from the heavens, all these free tapioca pudding started raining from the sky.” Crazy Man Henry yelled in a hotel lobby while carrying a bucket full of bird doo doo. 

“Look man, pigeons are mad expensive and it's hard to find one for every resident of Montana, so we had to get creative! That’s why we got some wicked cool birds to help with the effort. That’s what I call diversity!” Bullock continued his statement by doing an air guitar solo for the next four minutes. “I know that this may sound insane in the membrane, but it’s actually really cool. Anyone who says differently deserves a fowl.” Bullock concluded the meeting by laughing at his own joke, jumping out the second story window and shouting “Caw Caw!”.