Colder Weather Driving Californians and Grasshoppers from Montana
Montana Tech releases a follow up study regarding the increase of Californians and Washingtonians surpassing the grasshopper population. In the new study Dr. BugMcGee of Montana Tech’s team came to the conclusion that the colder weather of Montana winter will see a decrease in grasshopper, Californian, and Washingtonian populations.
Dr. BugMcGee, head scientist at Montana Tech, reached out to the BearPaw stating, “The fear is still as real as the pigeon shit on my car! As I said before the increase of Californians and Washingtonians continue to threaten our way of life. Because of these invasive invaders our gardens and breweries are being depleted! Without beer and beans what will us ‘true’ Montanans become?”
One possible contributing factor to the rise, Dr. BugMcGee explains, “after dissecting a rare find, brain samples from each of the subjects’ crotch goblins, we were able to uncover evidence of a mutated gene. These genes are somehow activated by their crazy ass mating rituals, combined with COVID19 antibodies.” BugMcGee continues with confusion in his voice, “Which is baffling the science world, as COVID19 isn’t real!”
BugMcGee’s team is currently attempting to research an essential oil called Neem Oil. This Neem oil was found successful for short deterrents of grasshoppers, but due to many of BugMcGee’s team being arrested for assault and or the subjects (Washingtonians and Californians) filing restraining orders the research is postponed for 3-6 months. The self-proclaimed atheist Dr. BugMcGee ended his interview with this comment, “Praying is not working, we may need to find a virgin!”
Dr. BugMcGee is accepting funding for a future research project: Grasshoppers and their link to democrats smuggling COVID19 and drugs into MT.
READ THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE: https://www.thebearpaw.news/blog/caliandwashingtonsurpassgrasshopperpopulation
